https://www.alicemcmachen.com/journal daily 0.75 2025-09-07 https://www.alicemcmachen.com/journal/entry-01 monthly 0.5 2025-09-07 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6532c37272710d19efc4c215/23d68722-5630-4a4e-aa63-4814c9c2ddc0/Deterioration.jpg Journal - La Douleur Exquise - Deterioration “Uncertainty about an LO’s interest sustains limerence. But certainty will eventually intervene — sometimes gradually, sometimes lightning fast. That’s when you enter the deterioration stage. Maybe your limerent object rejects you outright or does so indirectly by dating or marrying somebody else. Perhaps you learn something about them that topples the pedestal you’d placed them on. You might come to terms with reality and accept you’ll never meet them. Or you could find somebody new to focus on — if you’re lucky, it’s somebody you can have a healthier relationship with. While rare, there is one other possibility: You and your LO actually do come together and build a relationship. Limerence can end in that scenario, too, because the work of being in a healthy relationship with another person interrupts the fantasy. It’s similar to a honeymoon period ending: The relationship may be less exciting, but it’s also more honest and comfortable.” As said by Natacha Duke, whom I quoted earlier, there has been debate on whether limerence should be considered a mental illness or an attachment disorder– I prefer to keep it at arm’s length as a kind of pop psychology term. I think these are rather normal emotions and behaviors that, if disruptive enough, can be taken as an indicator of some underlying condition. Using myself as an example, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at 15 years old and have an insecure relationship with my emotionally austere family. As weird as this journey has been for me, I am not surprised to recognize these “symptoms” within myself because of my history. I’m very wary of both myself and others over-pathologizing every little quirk and insisting it must be a sign of something wrong. I think it contributes to people sanding down the edges of their personality, or, alternatively, excusing bad behavior to be the most insufferable twerps on the planet. Think Kendra Hilty using limerence to excuse her inappropriate behavior toward her psychiatrist. Now, if you’re looking at my illustrations, you may be thinking: “This is great and all, but I don’t see how most of what you’ve said relates to the pieces you’re talking about”. Great observation. I hit several perplexing roadblocks during the process of making these pieces that forced me to shrink the scope and make my expectations meet my skill, because at some point, you really just have to get on with your life. The biggest problem? My face. Many such cases. I was always going to have a hard time with this because I don’t particularly like looking at myself. I’m not one of those artists who use their self-portraits to zero in on their perceived flaws and embrace them. So there was a balance I had to strike between being honest and being kind to myself to avoid the worst of the psychological warfare I was about to conduct. There’s a belief among some artists that we unintentionally leave impressions of ourselves in the faces of people we depict. I must have the opposite problem because I don’t think this would have been so difficult for me if it were -apparently- so easy to make others look like you by accident. Whenever I’m working from a reference, which I was for this, I use the grid method to get the foundation of my drawing as exact as I can before I make any tweaks and lay down color. But even with that preparation, I’d get to a point while rendering where I’d take a step back and not see anything that even remotely resembled me. If I could guess what was giving me trouble, it’s that my features all rest on the same rather shallow plain that don’t create significant shadows unless put under harsh lighting. Portraits in general can be challenging because I find it quite easy to reach a point in the rendering process where the face appears both overworked and underworked at the same time. Nevertheless, as someone who prides themselves on their ability to capture other people, it was frustrating to not be able to do the same for myself. The solution, in the end, was to go with a more stylized look instead of the realism I was aiming for. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6532c37272710d19efc4c215/82e690e4-ec86-47a5-9d0f-fadd26c57a54/Crystallization_.jpg Journal - La Douleur Exquise - Crystallization “Crystallization is when the feelings you develop in the infatuation stage reach their height. Any doubts you had that your LO is perfect are gone. Infatuation can feel nice, like the thrill of a new crush. Crystallization, not so much. Your interest is now an obsession. The intrusive thoughts and fantasies take up large chunks of your day. You feel like your identity and willpower are slipping away as you become more and more desperate for your limerent object to reciprocate your feelings.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6532c37272710d19efc4c215/1757191366828-HN2L1X4VRKER413PE5T8/IMG_7784.jpg Journal - La Douleur Exquise https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6532c37272710d19efc4c215/1757191759630-6QAQ461VK3M9NQTOI3X3/IMG_4292.jpg Journal - La Douleur Exquise https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6532c37272710d19efc4c215/1757186313574-DPJXE5STH1S3Z2NM5OFF/La_Douleur_Exquise_.png Journal - La Douleur Exquise https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6532c37272710d19efc4c215/1757186353779-LMCNGZ1A8QQ1VNHOP66Y/Languissant_D%27Amour.png Journal - La Douleur Exquise https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6532c37272710d19efc4c215/1757190165240-ZEUNARCY14UIIWSE8P3H/Infatuation_.jpg Journal - La Douleur Exquise - Infatuation “The infatuation stage is when you establish a real or perceived connection with a limerent object — who may or may not actually know you. It can look similar to love at first sight, but it can also be gradual. You may start having intrusive thoughts or fantasies about them. When you interact with them, you’re probably anxious and excited. You overanalyze those interactions later, looking for “evidence” they’re interested in you.” https://www.alicemcmachen.com/home daily 1.0 2025-09-19 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6532c37272710d19efc4c215/ecd55066-7bc4-4651-a295-31d586801571/AMcMachen_SelfPortrait+5.png https://www.alicemcmachen.com/contact daily 0.75 2023-11-05 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6532c37272710d19efc4c215/0aabc857-c28f-4c54-9a38-9974e994ca17/AMcMachen_ThankYouCard+4.png https://www.alicemcmachen.com/about daily 0.75 2025-01-30 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6532c37272710d19efc4c215/533585eb-ef4f-454f-9559-e2227569aa5a/AMcMachen_SelfPortrait.png https://www.alicemcmachen.com/portfolio daily 0.75 2025-06-21 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6532c37272710d19efc4c215/d89e13ca-e0ac-4aca-b044-7d53d45572b3/Screenshot+2025-06-10+at+10.02.03%E2%80%AFPM.png Portfolio 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